A Woman: What does this mean?

I struggle with being a woman sometimes. I struggle with living in the world that we do, with the way that women are treated. No, this isn't a feminist rant, somewhat the opposite really.

I'm not doing a very good job explaining. Some background first.

I grew up primarily in a rural Ohio town where the majority of people were farmers and college educations were few and far between. Kids grew up, married the girl next door, took over the family business, and at most lived a town away from their parents. If you needed a stereotypical Mid-Western town to look at, where I was from would be perfect.
But I never totally fit in with that culture. I was far too adventurous and forward thinking I suppose. I wanted to travel and live in Italy and dance and go to college far away and do big things.
My dislike of the rural culture I lived in for so long manifested itself in me in that I never wanted to be "just a stay at home mom or housewife." I wanted to do great things with my life and be a scientist and work full time and contribute financially so that I could do awesome things with my money like start a scholarship or build a dance school or something. "Just being a wife and mother" was the last goal I ever had for my life. Yes, I wanted to be a wife and mother, very badly, but I wanted to do that on top of being a great person.

As I have come to college though, my draw to become a wife and mother has been greater and greater. Obviously I am going to finish my degree and work towards getting a full time job when I graduate, and I do really love college and learning things and such, but my heart is often elsewhere. I want to be a wife and mother so badly. It's the strongest desire on my heart. Even when I have a great day at work or in the lab and I feel really fulfilled in the science I am doing, that pull is always there. But the thought of giving any part of career Allyson just doesn't sit well with me. The world tells me that my career should come first and I shouldn't let anything get in the way of that. And my mind tells me that I don't want to be like those women I grew up doing what I considered to pretty much be throwing their life away. So it is a conflict. Between what my heart, and my head, and the world is telling me.

Granted, no decisions really need to be made about this right this moment. I'm not even engaged for pete's sake and I still have three more years of school to do. But I often think about it and it can be very frustrating at times. I realize that the only opinion in all of this that matters is what God is calling me to do and who he is calling me to be. However, I don't think that He has given me a strong answer on this right now. He has simply said "Wait. Wait for the right time. Wait on my perfect timing. And trust." I don't always like doing that though...

James 4

James 4:7-8

"Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. Come near to God and he will come near to you."

I was struck with how simple these words are and yet how difficult they are to live out. I feel like this is my mantra for my life right now. Submitting myself to God, fleeing the devil, and coming near to God. I haven't been doing a very good job of drawing near to God as of late. I also have been struggling a lot with being jealous of what other people are doing in their lives. Like, all my friends that are living abroad this summer, or people who are being asked to do special things my departments that I wish I had been asked to do, etc. etc. It's really hard for me to be happy for what other people get to do(unless they are a friend) and instead makes me feel more insecure about myself. It's really starting to bother me that this happens to me, I cannot be content with where God has me and what He is doing in my life right now. College has put me into this mindset that I need to always be doing something better than everyone else, and that everything is a competition between me and another person.

My hope is that in drawing closer to God, and learning what it means to submit myself to Him, I will learn to be more content, more grateful, and more appreciative of the opportunities and ways God IS using me.

Your prayers as I start this intentional journey this summer would be most appreciative. I will try and continue to share my thoughts on this as I go along.

It don't mean a thing if it ain't got that swing!

Things I learned while swing dancing.

1. Sometimes you just have to wait patiently for the guy to decide to do something fun.

2. It is so relaxing because the follow just has to pay attention, not think about what is coming next.

3. When you have no idea what is going on, make something up that looks like more fun than what your partner is doing. Acceptable moves include skipping, shimmying, and swishing your hips back and forth.

4. Always ask the guys to dance. The more you get out there, the more other people want to dance with YOU. ;)

5. Sometimes you see old friends again, and realize they know a whole more swing than you do!

For realsies though, swing dancing tonight was a lot of fun. Dan and I went to the Level 1 class and then stayed for part of the jam and I really enjoyed it. I have wanted to learn swing dancing for about 4 years now and I never had the time to do it with all the other dance I was involved in. This summer however there are free lessons at Purdue so I plan on taking full advantage of them. It's super exciting. Plus, I saw an old friend of mine there whom I haven't seen since freshman year. We had both said that we were going to take swing lessons the next semester, well he actually did and he showed me a thing or two!

I anticipate many more fun Wednesday nights in the future.

Also, there have been tornado warnings after tornado warnings all day long and I am still alive, in case you were wondering. The storms have been pretty cool though. And I have thus far avoided getting completely soaked. Yay cars!

If all your friends were jumping off a bridge, would you do it too?

ABSOLUTELY.

Yesterday I got to drive Dr. Philip Nelson to the Indianapolis International Airport after the Aseptic Packaging and Processing Workshop at Purdue.

IT WAS AWESOME!

For all of you that have no idea who Dr. Nelson is, he is one of the biggest names in the Food Science world. He won the World Food Prize in 2007(like the Nobel prize for food people), our building at Purdue is named for him(mostly because he started the department in 1983), and anyone who knows the industry knows who he is. I had the privilege of driving him for 1.5 hours yesterday and we had a lovely chat about school and what he is doing right now, and how he met his wife, etc. etc. It was such a fun experience. While I am not usually one to get all starry-eyed with famous people, the amount of work that Dr. Nelson has done in his life, and all the advancements he has helped bring about in my industry are astounding to me. It was somewhat inspiring to me to be able to talk to him. It made me want to do more in my industry, meet more people, and enjoy what my field of study does. He gave a much broader scope of the world.

I also am beginning to throughly enjoy my work this summer. As the days progress, I get to know the people that I work with and fun adventures are had by all. I've never really experienced a camaraderie with my co-workers before, but I am really enjoying the quirky, unique group of people that I work with. Last night we threw together a cook-out/party with all the food that we found in various fridges around our building. We got together at one of the guy's house, grilled things, deep fried things, blended things, and altogether had a great time. We also decided to rappel off a nearby bridge down to the train tracks beneath it which was SO much fun! One of the guys is hardcore into climbing and crazy outdoor adventurey things so it was all completely safe, but also completely spontaneous. It was one of those things that I will tell my kids about when I am older and always remember with a smile on my face.

Pause

I feel like I'm waiting for something.

I'm not really sure what though.

For my summer class to start?

For camp to start so I can see some of my friends on their nights off?

For Josh to get back from Rwanda?

For pre-engagement counseling to begin?

For my first paycheck?

For Caleb to get married?

For something terrible to happen?

For something wonderful to happen?

I don't really know. I get up, I go to work each day, I make food, I see Dan, I relax and watch movies and TV shows that I never got to see during the school year. But what am I really doing? I see all over facebook my friends updating their statuses from Italy and Australia and England and Germany and I just wish that I was somewhere, doing something.

I know that God put me in West Lafayette for a reason this summer. Just like he put me at camp last summer. Just like he does everything the way that he does. But I can't help wondering what it is I should be doing right now. And this isn't the normal saga of what is God's calling in my life and what should I be doing with my life and where am I going and yada yada yada. This is a different wondering. This is a thoughtful ponder of how I should be spending my time after work each day. Or AT work each day. How is God planning on using me this summer? How is he working in me right now? IS he working in me right now?

And then it hits me. Stop watching your movie and go spend some time with God. Have I forgotten how to do that?

13 Things

Things I have learned since starting my new job:

1. climbing rickety ladders to zip tie ropes to the ceiling is SO MUCH FUN.

2. when driving to Marsh, the best mode of transportation is a huge white ghetto van that screams, "I steal children."

3. pumpkin puree looks best when it is covering your arms, legs, shoes, and the front of your labcoat.

4. when alkaline cleaner gets on your skin, it feels funny, don't try this at home kids!

5. there are copy machines in this world that can take 6 double sided pieces of paper and copy them, collate them, and staple them together in packets 50 times in under 10 minutes. such one exists on the second floor of Food Science.

6. Dr. Philip Nelson, the demi god of the food science world, and the guy who made Purdue Food Science famous, has a good handshake.

7. it's not sitting around doing nothing, it's being "on call."

8. no matter how many times you clean the floor of the pilot plant, it will get dirty approximately 7.94 seconds later.

9. Jimmy John's isn't as "freaky fast" when you order 11 sandwiches, 11 bags of chips, 4 drinks, and 2 pickles all in one phone call.

10. if you want your Clean In Place process to work properly, you have to remember to turn the motor on.

11. oftentimes fancy packaging equipment fails to come with the proper pieces or a manual. in these circumstances you do what every good scientist does, make things up.

12. if it takes a little too long to get your samples during a sensory test, the people on the other side of the doors are probably trying to guess movie titles based off of snippets of the movie poster. no big deal, they will get to you when they finally notice the light.

13. when a guy tells you to grab a wrench, never ask what that is. (disclaimer, this was a co-worker, not me)