I've been feeling really restless the past week, really wishing that I was at Camp this summer. But those campsick thoughts were quickly overtaken by the knowledge that I am not supposed to be there this summer and God called me away from there. So this left me with a feeling of frustration of what to do with all these dumb emotions floating around. I'm trying to learn to be content with where I am, but also productive. I want to feel like God is DOING something with me this summer, but I'm having trouble making myself open to the Holy Spirit to allow Him to do that.
I'm not sure any of my thoughts right now will make any coherent sense or go together at all...too many things in my mind! ahhh!!!
I was reading back over the notes I wrote on facebook during my last summer as a Day Camp Counselor. It makes me happy to see how in tune I was with God that summer. I had attended CIY Move before going to Camp that summer, and while that summer was of course not perfect, I remember it with a lot of fond memories. I was so excited about heading to school and growing up and all the things God was going to do with me and through me. It's interesting because when I think back to that summer usually, I tend to remember the negative things. Like how frustrated I was with my boyfriend at the time and how I hadn't gotten the coord position that summer and so on and so forth, but it really was a good summer. It was a good summer though because of what I was allowing God to do through me. I want to get back to that aspect of it. Or not really get back to that, I don't want to regress, this isn't me missing the glory days or anything. I want to come to a place of similar spiritual dependence and rhythm.(does anyone else think that is the most obnoxious word in the world to spell?)
Hmmm....
Anyway, I just felt like vomiting things out in words here, because I can't seem to do much of anything else coherently.
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