1. I have an incredible man in my life who supports me, challenges me, and brings me closer to God. He is the only man I have ever loved and I deeply want to marry him someday.
2. I have thusly paid for my college education without the use of school loans.
3. I have great friends(like Josh, Sarah, Ethan, Julia, Monica, Ashley, Hannah, and so many others) who make my life wonderful, happy, and full.
4. I have a fantastic roommate, Ginny, that I get along with swimmingly and I can laugh for hours on end with.
5. I have a talent and an outlet for my creative expression through dance. I have been equipped with the tools and encouragement to form pieces that satisfy my need to say things I can't express in words and opportunities to share that with others.
6. I have a mum who is my biggest cheerleader, pushes me to make the best decisions in life, is ALWAYS there when I need encouragement, prayer, or a hug, and keeps me on track with life.
7. I have my second mum, Lea, who prays with me whenever I need it, is there to vent to, asks me good questions, and provides a wise perspective on life.
Sometimes, I get hit with the jealousy monster in a MAJOR way. Like, to the point where seeing people post things on facebook about awesome things they did or are going to do makes me sick to my stomach and breeds this intense hatred for what their life looks like as opposed to mine. I hate that this happens. I hate that I cannot be happy for other people for how God has uniquely equipped and blessed them, because all I can think of when I hear or see it is, "That should have been me. That is who I was supposed to be." I don't know how to counteract this. I know that these other people, their lives aren't perfect. I don't know how they have suffered in the past or how they are suffering now. I don't know what their home life is like, or what their daily struggles are. I have no basis to my ridiculous jealousy, yet it still continues to fester. Sometimes I feel like if only I knew that their life wasn't perfect, if only I could understand what they have gone through, then I would be able to accept how God has blessed them and know that it isn't the way I was meant to be blessed. Or maybe I should be able to accept that regardless...
No comments:
Post a Comment